Are you ready to ‘bag’ some of your patterns this year?
Pattern Bagging — That’s a bit of an odd term to describe breaking habits, right? We know what patterns are → repeated outcomes, repeatable behaviors, familiar situations resulting in familiar results. And not all patterns are ‘bad’ or unhelpful to our lives. Patterns that draw two entities towards each other in ways that create harmony, inner peace and deliver outcomes that we want? By all means, keep those patterns! And as long as we have some diversity in other areas of our life, none of us need to ‘bag’ patterns that are helpful. But the habitual thinking and behavior patterns that have a ‘worn out welcome’? Or unhelpful patterns you’d like to see replaced with more helpful ones? Those are the ones we’re looking to ‘bag’.
So the ‘bagging’ part is simply a mountain-climbing term I picked up from my husband. It simply refers to getting to the summit of a mountain, thus putting a quest ‘in the bag’ of challenges, capturing, completing or ‘bagging’ a goal. So…do you have some unwanted patterns you’d like to see change? Let’s see if we can ‘bag’ a few of them together in 2022.
What patterns represent in the brain
Familiar patterns of thinking and behaving are simply a neurochemical conversation between a series of neurons that has happened so often, that the ‘conversation topic’ has become routine, automatic and familiar. Our brains are designed to be energy-efficient. So patterns are a brain ‘favorite’.
A frequently repeated pattern can pretty much run without constant or conscious monitoring and takes very little energy. And once our brains have an established pattern of repeatable, uninterrupted thought or behavior, it becomes part of an energy- efficient, ‘loop’ of information. Let’s take walking as example.
When a child first learns to walk, the brain is highly active, assessing each awkward step, the balance, the distance and depth of each body part movement, right?. This takes up a LOT of energy because it’s new and different. However, once this is repeated enough times and a routine loop of electro-chemical and physical signals has been created, the brain says, “I’ve got this” and that repeated loop gets stored to operate automatically and unconsciously as a pattern. And with a lot less energy consumption. Later, if that pattern called ‘walking’ gets interrupted (say you broke your leg or had a stroke), this “new and different” experience interrupts the pattern, and ‘walking’ starts to redesigned with new information, as we learn to move with this new injury. That’s why is initially quite awkward or uncomfortable to learn to walk with crutches or a cast. Simply because it’s different from what the brain is used to and takes up far more energy.
The same happens with thoughts and behaviors, which is why most of us unconsciously enjoy many of our habits and routines. The more we do them, the less brain effort they require. They become very ‘comfortable’ and energy-efficient patterns to our brain, just like walking does. But it is also why we can get stuck in some unconscious, unhelpful, habitual thinking and behavior patterns, and may not even be aware of it. The same system that creates automatic, unconscious behavior… like walking …is the same system that created automatic thinking habits that lead to emotional response amplification and then…. unwanted behavior.
The tricky part is that for many of us, what we want to get rid of or stop doing is what has become the familiar, energy-efficient pattern. And what we want to do instead is now ‘new and different’ (and energy-expensive) to the brain.
Even over-thinking, leaving us awake and sleepless at night, or constantly feeling anxious. Those unwanted patterns are what have become familiar, energy-efficient and easier for the brain to unconsciously maintain, Calm and relaxed is now the UNfamiliar and different. And therefore, is now what the brain sees as conflicting. Especially in the early stages of change. So I’m here to tell you that although brain-response may be frustrating, it’s completely normal. Understand that this loop-creating aspect of your brain… doesn’t have morals or an opinion about the old pattern you want to be rid of, or the new pattern you are wanting to create. It doesn’t ‘care’ if whatever has become automated is ‘good for you’ or not. It’s only doing what it’s designed to do — create an energy-efficient, repeatable pattern. So, this is why even doing something that you know is healthy for you, can be extremely challenging and uncomfortable at first. It’s simply because it’s different from the pattern you already have unconsciously stored.
Relationships — Try this
Anytime we set out to change an aspect of ourselves, even if it’s healthy and ‘good’ change, it has potential to disrupt the way your life and relationship is currently running. Deciding to choose a healthier lifestyle by losing some weight, taking care of yourself more often, learning to set boundaries or to vocalize your needs more often is a fabulous goal. But realize that even the good stuff is ‘new and different’ to your partner’s brain. So, there is bound to be some household adaptation. But don’t let this stop you. There’s a limit to what we can do for another person’s life experience — we can only meet them halfway. But letting them know clearly and kindly in advance: what you are wanting to do, specific ways they can support you and then checking in with them throughout, can make a big difference.
Often when we make changes, if our loved ones have any unresolved attachment struggles, (download free 24 page booklet below) even positive change can activate an inner fear of ‘losing you’ to this ‘new and different’ change you are taking on. If you can reassure them that your relationships is very important to you and your ultimate goal is its improvement, do so. If you honestly aren’t sure how your changes will impact your relationship at this point? At minimum, have compassion for their position and encourage them to consider ‘bagging’ some of their own patterns with you. Tackling change together as a couple? Makes the naturally uncomfortable work…much more tolerable.
Language to try out as you plan to take on some change work:
“I’d like to tell you about something I’m going to start working on. Is this a good time?”
“I’ve decided that I want to start (new pattern you’d like to create). It’s really important to me because (what creating this new pattern will do for you AND for your relationship)
“I know that it’s work I have to do. But I’d really feel supported if you (give them a specific thing they can say or do that will support you**)
“I want to work on this for the next (give a length of time), and then assess how I’m doing, including your feedback” (if it’s your partner)
Or…. If its family or friends you don’t live with or don’t want feedback from:
“I want to work on this for the next (give yourself a length of time), and then assess how I’m doing. So if you don’t hear from me during that time, know that I’m thinking of you and will check back (time/day/month)
If they press you for more information, you do not need to explain yourself. Continue to be clear, yet kind , “this is the way I’m choosing to do it. Your support would be very much appreciated”.
Some key points to consider for others -
- Your change, means something in their world may be changing too
- Change can be scary, so keeping loved ones/partners updated, involved and sharing your progress is important.
- Not too many humans are comfortable with guessing, reading minds or being taken by surprise (unless it’s free trip to Hawaii!)
- You may not be able to promise an outcome, but remaining transparent with your struggles, as well as your successes, just may strengthen your relationships along the way.
This month’s FREE DOWNLOAD — The Language of Attachment.
In it you’ll learn: Attachment theory fundamentals, attachment styles, tools for each style, language strategy for expressing needs and approach strategies for supportive interaction.
And as always….Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Your support and participation in the Human Infusion Project, as well as being part of getting what I consider essential information out to more people, really means a lot to me.
If you are interested in learning more about why our brains create patterns, how we can interrupt them, and how to strengthen your brain as a whole, you can join our community newsletter, find the Human Infusion Project on Youtube, or take our low-cost Whole-Brain Relationships course. Your course participation is 100% donation to the Wellness Assistance Grant and makes it easy for you to learn at your own pace with lifetime access to all 24 recordings.
AND each month …from the donations I receive, I give away a free PATTERN BAGGER T-shirt! (my husband’s favorite, but my friend is modeling another design choice as well).
“We’re making personal growth less complicated and more affordable so more of us have the opportunity to feel calm, confident and connected” — The Human Infusion Project.
The Human Infusion Project is philanthropic, personal development platform that draws from the combined fields of modern brain science, applied psychology and spiritual philosophy. Our mission aims to augment and supplement the work of professional practitioners in simplified, practical and affordable ways. 100% of all course profit funds a Wellness Assistance Grant.
